Success begins with belief and ends with doubt.-Larina Kasse
I remember reading through a book and the author was writing about being a reverse paranoid. In that particular section he mentions how he has a belief that the world he's living in, is out to give him everything he absolutely wants and desires. He believes that people are giving him job opportunities. He believes that people want to do business with him. He thinks that instead of the world out to do him bad, he thinks that all the world wants to do is give him everything he's ever craved.
There are times when I think to myself, "Wow the world is out to get me and make me miserable" Then I thought, why can't I believe that the world is out to make me a better conversationalist. What if I do believe that everybody finds me absolutely interesting and a pleasure to chat with? How different would my own inner world be? Then I started adapting the belief of the reverse paranoia. When I started talking to people, I truly believed that I was the MOST interesting person in the room. I believed that everything I said added value to the conversation. I believed that people stayed behind and chatted with me because they found me charismatic.
As a matter of fact for about five months I wrote down (with a dry erase marker) on my bathroom mirror the following affirmation. I use to say it while I was brushing my teeth, and I visualized in my head having perfect conversations with total strangers I had just met.
"People love me and respect me. It is a privilege to talk to me. People find me interesting and charming and always want to get to know me better!"
I would say the affirmation after I brushed my teeth. And I would continue to say it until I felt completely great about myself. I would repeat it until I felt that I convinced myself that I truly was the most intriguing person in the world. Some days it would take me only thirty seconds to have the belief that I was an excellent talker. Other times I would spend five minutes, saying the same line over and over again with varying degrees of enthusiasm, until I said it with complete enthusiasm. There were days that I just wouldn't feel like like saying it, because it would feel like a lie to me. But that's the trouble, like the quote says, success ends when there's doubt. And that's why I continued until I had no doubt in my mind.
Then strange things happened, I noticed that people did find me more interesting, that I gained more confidence in talking with people, and as a matter of fact I started to be comfortable to talking to women I was afraid to talk to in the past. The number of dates I was going on, at least doubled. I was more assertive at work. I was able to control politics and gossip at work to minimal levels, and became a much better manager, and developed better customer relations to the point that sales were up by 20% percent compared to the year before, on my best month sales were up by 39%, and this was a year that a recession was happening. Of course it wasn't the only factor, but it did help a lot to reprogram my brain to believe, and beliefs are very powerful. The more small victories I saw, the more I believed.
Now I'm not promising that you'll achieve miracles with an affirmation, but I promise you that writing down an affirmation and communicating it with yourself will not hinder your progress. After all how much does it cost you to have this belief? Absolutely NOTHING. That's the best part. That believing you're a great conversationalist isn't going to cost you any more than it does to believe you're a terrible one. But I guarantee you if you continue to believe that you're a terrible conversationalist, it is going to cost you in many ways. It's going to cost you financial opportunities, promotions, chances at friendships, leading a more fun and exciting lifestyle, and being a better leader in your community.
How can you get started?
First, choose an affirmation or statement that's relatively short, easy to remember, and makes you excited when you say it. If your affirmation is "I'm a great conversationalist." There's no fireworks to it. Notice in my affirmation how I give my statement life. Ensure you give your affirmation a life of its own.
Second, write down your affirmation where you know you're going to see it every day. This could be on your bathroom mirror, this could be in your wallet, on a sticky note in your car, or on the screen saver at work or home. Whatever your affirmation may be, place in some where visible. Put in in BIG WORDS on a poster by your entrance door, so that way when you leave your home you'll be forced to see it when you leave.
Third, repeat your affirmation to yourself with a sense of purpose and excitement. This way your brain processes the belief much easier. We always learn more in a fun environment, than in an environment that harbors boredom. Don't create a boring environment in your mind, create fun, excitement, and spirit. But say it with passion. When you get a chance, say it several times throughout the day. During your coffee break, when you're taking the bus home, and just before you go to sleep.
Fourth, visualize what it would be like to have great conversations with people that you admire. No matter how brief it is, just visualize. I didn't expect to have a small conversation with one of my idols Brian Tracy, but yet three years after I started reading his books, which changed my life and management style, I had a brief conversation with him. We ended up discussing his trip as a teenager in Africa and how he traveled into countries without the proper visas. So imagine having those positive conversations with the people you admire and you want to meet.
Whatever you do, you have to have the belief that you are a great conversationalist. And you have to be able to tell yourself that every single day until you start to see the results in your life.
One of my students in my class brought up the comment, "I'm always worried that I'm boring people." Yet she was probably one of the least boring people I had ever met. She had grown up in a tropical area of the world where she would do body boarding growing up. She use to "borrow" the boards from hotels. She mentioned that she had a near death experience on a small plane one time after attending a family reunion. And that's just one part of her life. She had such a rich tapestry that she was shy about sharing because she thought she was boring. But to the contrary, she was exciting to talk to. Each and every one of us has a best selling non fiction story to share with the world, it's just whether we believe it's a best seller or not. So don't ever believe you're a boring person, you've lived a life, had some challenges, and therefore you are the most interesting person to talk to. And that makes you a NY Times Best Sellers!
Remember, before you go into any conversation, tell yourself that the other person you're about to talk to believes that you're the best person to chat with ever, believe that everybody that you chat with throughout the day wants to know more about you. And when you start to believe it, before you know it, it happens. And people will want to know more about you.
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